funeral

The spiritual experience

It was never easy to talk about losing someone dear, or someone close. None of us can speak easily about that. Death, it is said, is what makes us so afraid. Death is the end of all roads for us as living beings and the beginning of another state when we shall be judged in front of God. We live our lives with the subconscious sense that the end is there, the approximate finish, and we have some time to meet a deadline. That is what actually motivates us and serves us as pretext or motive to create. Death is motivating because we are scared of it, and fear puts us into motion and makes us explore our power, our sense of survival. We cannot refuse life, because, with the passing of generations, we have made it too interesting not to take advantage of it. We have every chance to fail if we do not try but we have a chance to win if we try. I think the latter is more profitable.

You cannot talk about death without supporting it with the idea of life. They are in contrast but they are created one from the other. Death implies the idea of life. If it weren’t for life we wouldn’t have had death. An end automatically implies the existence of something. So we cannot argue about death without constantly referring to life.

It is supposed that being dead is not painful. It is said that death is more painful for those left behind and ultimately for the dead ones, who may suffer – or not – before they die. The departed is bereaved, remembered, celebrated, loved forever, more sincerely I might say. He immediately becomes a respected being for having crossed the border between the two worlds. They say “not to speak ill of the dead”. Why do they say that? Because they might come back under the shape of a curse or we might meet them after we ourselves die and they might take revenge on us? Who knows?

After someone dies they gain a sort of aura that makes them untouchable. Irrespective of the status they had while alive: criminals, bad poets, dictators, racists, terrorists, monks, blondes, poor or wealthy. Even if some of them are hated they still enrich themselves with something: it’s like a drawing that you love or hate. But after one dies that drawing is embossed, the margins thicken in black and become untouchable – whether it is by love or by hate. They are entitled to one space on a shelf somewhere high- or very low- where neither the love nor the hate and everything in between can transpire. We may pour our sour venom or our sweet love but the book is closed, and the words and feelings vanish for the departed. They actually bounce back and affect us, who still have a life to create.

As we live we make friends, we have our family. We sweeten the state of wellness through our enemies and bad experiences. The bad is there to remind us about the good things and the good people. So as life passes we establish connections and commit ourselves to just a few of them. What hurts us the most is when human contact is broken and human, rational support is broken by death. One uf us is taken away and we need to learn to manage alone. For some people committing to someone else takes up their entire lives; they to learn to respect, give without expecting anything in return, acquire selflessness and forget about judging. And then death suddenly slips in and they are forced to take that same route backwards. But they a lot less time to do that instead.

Losing someone is like ripping off a part of yourself and giving it to someone you can’t even see, touch, feel or understand: death. It asks and you shall give it to it. Then comes the usual, overrated question: “Why?”. There isn’t a more stupid question than why, but history shows us that it leads to progress. Although none concerning the logic of death. Maybe because it has none. Just as life – which may sound outrageous but predictable coming from someone who has lost a loved one and is still recovering. But we cannot stay mad on God forever, as He has His ways.

The psychological and social effect

Slowly stepping out of the metaphorical landscape, death should be considered a privilege because living forever would be cruel and unbearable. Death is just a tool of measurement, an impulse to hurry up and be a lot more productive. When someone you love dies you learn a lesson. You learn about yourself and about the others by their reactions to such a happening. Most of us feel the regret of not having made the most of the time when de departed was still with us. Regret settles in and thus we try to make amends while we can with those who deserve better from us. We relinquish our egotistic tendencies because tomorrow might be too late to do that.

Death makes us better people. The memory of our lost, loved ones is filled with beautiful, happy times. We remember the promises that we made to them, how much they believed in us and the great people they expected us to become. Death gives us power. We learn to move on and fallow our ambitions with striving impetus.

Conversely, weak persons fall to the ground and never stand up, not even with help. The loss is too great to mend the pain or restore the system of illusion that helps one go on. Constantly living in the past, regretting the present and refusing the future suffocate and block the psyche, making one unable to keep up with the passing of time.

The cultural background

Last but not least, death is a ritual because it marks one of the most important moments in life and in a society: the end of a process.

Tibetan Buddhists place great emphasis on preparing themselves for death, and for them it is important to face it as peacefully and noble as possible – which suggests respect for both life and death. The uptake of death gives meaning to the life you have lead, and proves you have learned and are worthy of a mature soul. For Tibetans the approaching death is an experience to recognize the sufferings of others and pray for them. After death the body is washed then taken to be cremated. For a couple of weeks the body is in “intermediate state” and within 49 days it is reborn.

In Muslim countries death is a test. They ask for forgiveness and turn their look towards Mecca. The body is buried and not cremated, directly into the ground without a coffin. They do not question death in any way because they believe it is the way of Allah, aspect which comforts and eases them.

Christianity teaches us to overcome sin and believe in God, in Jesus Christ, because only by sharing His way of life we will reunite with Him. Death is just a stage towards Him, the door to another life, a holly one.

These are but few examples of how religion helps us deal with the idea of death, each of them offering its unique source of comfort. The great thing they have in common is ACCEPTANCE of death as a natural course on earth, which we should embrace when the time comes and not try to fight it.

The Funeral Home

The funeral service that a funeral home provides are according to the wishes of the family: the coffin – the material from which it is made of; open or closed, the wake, the chapel, takes care of the necessary paperwork, posts obituary in the media, makes arrangements with the cemetery. The body is embalmed or left as it is.

The funeral homes are usually owned by families by whom they are also operated.

All of these may sound trivial and somewhat commercial, taking into account the sobriety and solemnity of the event. But these are aspects which need to be arranged, organized and paid for. Death provides financial income.

In today’s society governed by consumerism, funeral services are advertised. Death is a business, as little as we might like it. We need to provide a decent burial for the departed and thus showing a type of respect, and the funeral homes ensures us with good services the best we can afford.

An expensive and nice place to rest is our last favour t